Great Sex!

Great Sex is a wonderful book. Beautifully written, educational and enjoyable, it might help many couples to resolve their sexual dilemmas. It sheds light on the myths and confusion.

* When couples first fall in love, they often can’t keep their hands off each other. But, over time--typically six months to a year or two, feelings of sexual urgency subside, and so does sexual frequency. This happens for several reasons:

* The end of unrealistic fantasies. “Initially people have fantasy-based pictures of each other,” explains Advisory Board member Marty Klein, Ph.D.

“But as time passes, you reveal who you really are, and you see who the other person really is. The fantasies fade, and you’re left with reality.

Now, that reality might be good enough for a long and basically happy relationship. But it’s still reality, warts and all. Fantasies generally heat up libido. Reality has a way of cooling it.”

There's a whole chapter in Great Sex called, "You Never Want to, You're Insatiable: The Fine Art of Negotiating Desire Differences." In long-term relationships, there is an expected sexual trajectory for a certain period of time known as the hot and heavy period.

The two people cannot keep their hands off each other. This lasts, depending on the couple, for six months to two years. After that, one person or both feel less urgency for sex. It is a very rare couple that remains in sexual synch for their whole marriage. Virtually every couple develops desire differences, where one wants sex more than the other.

Desire differences can be a festering sore in a relationship, one that causes tremendous resentment and name-calling. When the man wants sex more he's a sex fiend. And the man does want sex more, in about two-thirds of relationships. In the other one-third, the woman wants sex more, and she gets called a nymphomaniac.

First thing I recommend is stop any name-calling. There is no normal God-given amount of sexual desire. If your lover wants sex more than you do, or less than you do, you're both still normal, and what you have is a desire difference that you have to work out in order to live happily together.

Great Sex! by Michael Castleman





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