Evolution of Marriage (part 2)

In the second part of an article by Dr. Michael Tobin, he is suggesting being a giver and focusing on obligations. I am not sure what exactly he means by that, but I am pretty sure that everyone would say that he/she is very giving and knows his/her obligations.

Does he suggest giving all the time, no matter what the circumstances are, without receiving back? Then I’d answer with his own words: If there is anyone among us who knows such a person, please post it on my bulletin board, (Oops, I don’t have one). I know someone like that: Mother Teresa!

The truth is, we like giving, because it makes us feel good. But we also like receiving. The foundation of a relationship is giving and receiving.

The problem is deeper than that; we come into a relationship with certain expectations that arise from our beliefs. Beliefs that marriage is made in haven; the emotion of love is forever; our partner must behave in a certain way. Dr. Michael Tobin pretty much described it well in the first part of his article.

Focus on obligations? I think this is all we do: focus on obligations. Basically, we create a prison for two people and call it a marriage.

Marriage, as we know it, doesn’t exist anymore. The old values don’t work anymore. In the United States, Americans have been less inclined to marry over the last few decades. The number of people entering marriage has declined 50% since 1970.

New values are being created, as we speak. To learn something new we have to go through a trial-and-error process. We start with ourselves: What our beliefs are? Are those beliefs indeed ours? No!

How do we create our “own” beliefs? Is it even possible? Yes! It is a lifetime process.

"To be authentic is literally to be your own author (the words derive from the same Greek root), to discover your native energies and desires, and then find your own way of acting on them. When you have done that, you are not existing simply to live up to an image posited by the culture or by family tradition or some other authority. When you write your own life, you have played the game that was natural for you to play. You have kept covenant with your own promise." (Warren Bennis)

We need to be able to establish the most important relationship: Relationship with our SELF! The fact that the majority of people are not able to have a healthy relationship is a cosmic way of letting us know that the time has arrived, the time when we have to learn how to be on our own. Solitude is a prerequisite to knowledge of self.

The primary goals of individuation are to discover, accept, and empower our truest, fullest selves. Only then we can create a conscious relationship.